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By mapping the human genome in this accelerated age of the microprocessor, the scientific community theoretically opens a new door to splicing together genes in any number of strange, exotic combinations–altering even already-living people into dramatic, new, customizable beings. Anyone want to be a butterfly?

Ever wanted to soar through the sky? So grow a pair: Grow a full set of soft, white-feathered wings from the upper back–or, for the Gothic types, arm-hanging, bat-like, skin membranes. Either way, you’ll be swooping past geese and other fowl after only a few harrowing practice flights and some minor tweaks to various bone densities and body musculature. It ought go without saying, perhaps, that you’d still be expected to use the toilet like the rest of us.

Ever feel like you’re ten feet tall? Be ten feet tall. If you’re not too sensitive about your weight now–and you wouldn’t mind weighing about twelve hundred pounds–then by all means–learn to sew–because a dramatic wardrobe makeover is in your immediate future. Bed sheets and toga attire would not be so cool during the day.

As with any innovation, there would be casualties in the marketplace. The famous Model T, for instance, all but killed the thriving horse buggy builder guild–respect to the Amish for hanging tough. But this is the price we pay for progress, is it not? Surely, those good people at Extenze–and those dedicated plastic surgeons–could find work that was nearly as socially redeeming for the entire human race.

Who then would have the right to stop us from altering our own bodies? If you’re free now to have blue hair and blue eyes, then why not blue skin and bug eyes? Of course, sparing our unborn children from these genetic manipulations would be the only moral course, except perhaps where we spare them from debilitating diseases and crippling mutations.

But, as for the rest of us crazy loons, the sky’s the limit.

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